My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
