so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
