My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
