I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize