In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
