I'm jealous of your bromance
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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