I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Welp...herpes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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