I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
