I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
