so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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