I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
