My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
