He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize