How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize