The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
