Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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