There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
