we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
