im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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