Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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