he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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