he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you would pick up someone in the library
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im calling her cock vulture from now on
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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