You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
