but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
