I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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