Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
How's work?
Spinning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
