wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
