I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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