I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
