i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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