omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
