Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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