Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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