In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
