I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
