Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
