If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
