Well apparently he's into motor boating.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
