I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
