You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
