Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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