Sponge bath it is.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
