it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How's work?
Spinning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
