Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
