just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You pole danced in your parka.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
