this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
