Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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