i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you would pick up someone in the library
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
love makes seman taste better
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
