i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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