I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
