think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
