do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have fence marks all over my body
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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