He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
