Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
