my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
