so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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