Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
