so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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