They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
