the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
