The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
