I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
