i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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