Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i think i just lost a toe
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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