i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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