I think i sorta joined a cult last night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My bed smells like the plague
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
