she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm gonna fight the coyote
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
