i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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