Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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