6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
