we have officially lost it.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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