He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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