508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
